Exactly What We Needed

As the busses traveled north toward Tiberias for OneFamily’s retreat for wounded victims, people began talking with each other on the bus.  Many of them exchanged seats and began establishing new friendships that they kept up throughout the retreat, and will hopefully continue into the future.

The participants visited places that many of them had never been to, and that most cannot now visit due to their own limitations.  For many, this was a highlight of the trip.

“The explanations we got about these places helped us come out of our insulated existence, where we do nothing but worry about our problems and how we are going to survive until the next day,” said Mordechai, one of the participants.  “We were able to learn something new and appreciate the history and the nature of our beautiful land.”

The group swam in the hot springs and attended a session on “Coping in Times of Crisis” led by a psychologist with tremendous experience in helping victims of terrorism.

A special treat awaited the participants at dinner – a Sheva Brachot celebration for a guy who was wounded in a bus bombing five and a half years ago, and who got married the week before the retreat.  The groom, who has been very quiet and introspective since his injury, was so touched and excited by the outpouring of happiness and celebration that everyone felt for him.  It has been so hard for him to express his feelings since his injury, but the look on his face spoke volumes.  It was an opportunity for everyone present to share in the celebration of the new marriage, and welcome a new bride into the “family”. 

There were various workshops on alternative healing methods such as guided imagery, alongside therapy workshops on movement and touch, intuitive art, and creating periods of time to dedicate to specific purposes, such as improving the marital relationship.

“The workshops on energy healing were very helpful to me,” said Ben, another wounded victim.  “My wife was able to talk to other spouses of the wounded and get support from them.  She was able to learn new ways to cope with my injuries and my fears.”

“These workshops helped us on a deep emotional level,” said Mazal, who was wounded in an attack in 2005.  “The therapists gave us new tools to cope with the difficulties and the depression we have been experiencing every day since our attack.”

One highlight of the retreat was a session on storytelling as a way to increase laughter.  For many of the newer victims on the retreat, the time since their injury has been one filled with pain and therapy.  There hasn’t been much to smile about, while there has been a lot to be concerned about.  The storytelling session was the perfect release for them, bringing wide smiles and laughter to their faces where the lines of pain and suffering have long been etched.

“I’ve never laughed so much as during that workshop,” said Shachar, another of the participants.  “And more important even than that, it has been a very long time since I have seen my husband happy and laughing and enjoying himself so much.  Since he was injured six years ago, our moods – as well as our budgets – have been wounded as well.  We haven’t gone away in such a long time.”

In particular, two women who were wounded in an attack in July 2008, and who were now meeting each other for only the second time since then, sat next to each other and couldn’t stop laughing with each other.  The strength this laughter gave each of them, and enabled them to give each other, was readily apparent on their faces during the entire retreat.  The whole retreat was worth it just to see them laughing so much.

OneFamily’s Legal Counsel led a session on the legal and emotional aspects of Post-Trauma, helping the participants understand their rights under Israeli law and how their experiences can be translated into the proper therapy and the proper response by welfare authorities.

Many of the participants found it very helpful to learn what really happens with their cases in the welfare offices.  The lawyer explained to them the emotional roller coasters that they are experiencing with regard to their claims, legitimized their feelings of frustration, and helped them put their difficulties and their situations into the proper perspective so that they could make some sense out of their legal and bureaucratic situations.  He helped them understand the process of disability recognition, and welcomed them all to arrange personal meetings with him for continued assistance.

During the retreat, the group traveled to Tzfat, where they went on a walking tour of the Old City and the Artists’ Village, and visited the grave of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai in nearby Meron, giving the participants a deeper appreciation of our ancient history and the spirituality of our religion, combined with the natural beauty of the region.

They also took the opportunity to visit the graves of many ancient sages who are buried in the area. The visit to the graves was an integral part of the retreat for many of the participants, who took the opportunity to pray for a full recovery, financial stability, or help with other difficulties their families have been experiencing since the attack.  They prayed for themselves, their spouse, and those around them – new friends who have shared the pain of terrorism and were now sharing the bonds of closeness.

One woman, who was wounded very seriously four years ago, approached a field worker toward the end of the retreat to express her effusive thanks.  For the past four years, she said, she has borne the entire situation on her own.  Her husband has refused to come to therapy appointments with her, has refused to participate in any retreats or other events, and has refused to even acknowledge her injuries or her trauma.  But for this retreat, he finally agreed to come.  He met other wounded victims, spoke with their spouses, and finally began to understand what has happened to his wife.  She couldn’t stop thanking OneFamily, and exclaiming how she now had her husband back after all these years, with all of his understanding and newfound patience.

Another woman approached and thanked us for helping her husband, and giving him back the desire to leave his home and be seen with other people – something he had been unable to do since he was wounded seven years ago.  Now, he had begun to share his pain and trauma with the other wounded victims, and the change that had come over him was noticeable.

“Events like this help us move forward,” said David, who was wounded in an attack in 2007.  “However much we are hurt, it helps give us hope.  When we meet with other victims and sit with them, we get closer to each other.  The staff and therapists help us share our problems, our traumas, and the experiences we have had with each other, and it really helps us understand where we are.”

“Since I came to OneFamily, my life has changed for the better,” said Michael, another of the participants at the retreat.  “It’s important for me to emphasize that everyone who helps this organization helps me and gives me strength along with all the other victims.  There are not enough words to thank all the people who were involved in this.  All the work they did and all the support they gave were exactly what we needed.”