"I Come to the Soul"

Following the death of Dasi Rabinovitch, the girl who became well known due to the story of her struggle with cancer, her father Pini looked for a way to help people who were in his situation.  Since then, he is a member of the OneFamily Fund, and dedicates all his enthusiasm to helping the victims of terrorism and the families of IDF fallen.  Dasi’s spirit, he says, gives him the strength to continue.

By: Elyashiv Reichner, Makor Rishon newspaper, October 2, 2009

“The focus needs to be on Dasi, not on me,” Pini Rabinovitch insists a number of times during the interview.  “She is the one who opens the doors to all of this activity for me.”

And when Pini, the father of Dasi Rabinovitch, ob’m, talks about activity, one needs only to peek at his schedule to understand the tremendous responsibility that weighs down on him as the Southern Region Coordinator for the OneFamily Fund.

From our meeting in Beer Sheva, he will go to Soroka hospital in order to visit a father who recently lost his soldier son to cancer.  When he visited the father last week, he brought his wife a CD as a birthday present, and at the son’s memorial, which took place not long ago, Pini is the one who said Kaddish.

During that same day, memorials are taking place for some of the 16 people killed in the twin bus bombings that took place in Beer Sheva exactly five years ago.  Rabinovitch tries to go to every memorial, and if it happens that a number of memorials are taking place at the same time, he visits the families the day before or the day after.

The last two nights, Pini went to the weddings of two bereaved families, and in among everything else, he worked to prepare a birthday party for a child who was wounded in the head by a Kassam rocket during Operation “Cast Lead”.  In a few days, it will be Dasi’s memorial.

The Bus 19 Club

I know the Rabinovitch family from my childhood days in Efrat.  Chesed was always an inseparable part of their endeavors.  Bruria and Pini opened the Yad Sarah branch in Efrat more than 20 years ago, and Bruria manages it to this day.  At the same time, she operates a free loan center for wedding gowns and other accessories she lends out.  Dasi, ob’m, led the children’s prayer services in the community and was very active in the local Bnai Akiva branch.

When Dasi was alive, her father was generally behind the scenes, devotedly driving her and her mother to their chesed projects, and always helping with whatever was necessary.

The man whose work today involves becoming connected to people in difficult situations, worked for more than thirty years as a plastics importer and didn’t talk much.  The person who now visits hospitals every week used to find it very difficult to walk into them, even to visit his own daughter.

The big change in the family’s life happened in the Summer of 1994, when Dasi, then a 12^th grade student, was diagnosed with cancer.  “Cancer is a contagious disease,” Rabinovitch says bitterly.  “There are just a few good friends that stay with you, and all the rest are afraid to talk about it.  Even when Teddy Kollek died at the age of 95, they said that he died of a serious illness.  And there is also work.  When a child is sick, the parents spend all their time with him, and disconnect from work.  For a self-employed person, like I was, there is no recognition of the expenses caused by the sickness.

“After the death, everyone shows up to say “Be strong,” “We are with you,” and then, the day after the Shiva, the mourners don’t know how to pick up the pieces because everything is shattered.”

Dasi died on the night of Rosh Hashana 5757, when she was just 19 years old.  After her death, her father felt that he needed to make a change in his life.  “I looked for a way to help people who were in my position.  What gave me the push and the adrenaline was the appeals for help that we received from all kinds of families.  They approached us with a lot of questions, and we got a lot of support by supporting others.  So I asked myself how I can combine work with helping these families.”

Rabinovitch began dividing his time between his business and helping the families of the sick, and was then approached by OneFamily, which helps the victims of terrorism and the families of the IDF fallen.  As a result, he began serving as a project coordinator for the organization, and at the beginning of 2003, he closed his private business and began working there full time.

It was important to Rabinovitch to be a “field person” in order to “come to people and not sit in the office”, and he was appointed the organization’s Coordinator for Jerusalem and the Southern Region.  His job is to assist the families of hundreds of wounded victims and bereaved families from the Second Intifadah.

He applies the label “My First Attack” to the bombing of Bus 19 in Jerusalem in January 2004, in which 11 people were killed and about 40 were injured.  “That was the attack where I began to wipe the blood off of people’s faces.  I was responsible for 15 of the wounded, and I kept in touch with them for a long time.  A social support group was created that met regularly every two or three weeks for more than two years, and was called the Bus 19 Club.”

Less than a month after that attack, another bombing took place on Bus 14, in which 14 people were killed and dozens were injured, and Rabinovitch created another support group.  By the way, when he talks about the attacks, he notes the exact date, and even remembers the names of the children of those killed.

At a certain stage, Rabinovitch became the Southern Region Coordinator, but he continued to maintain contact with the families that he got to know in Jerusalem.  Once every two weeks, he even comes with Bruria to a class given to a group of families of terror victims that takes place at the organization’s offices there.

OneFamily’s assistance begins immediately after the attack.  “When we hear that there is an attack, I tell people to close the radio and turn it on again after all the talk of the first few hours is over.  Only a few hours later is it possible to know how many wounded there actually are, and many times, only the next day.”

Through the connections that he acquired over time, Rabinovitch obtains the information he needs on the location of the wounded, and visits them in the hospital.  “The information clerk at Hadassah Ein Kerem learned who I was very quickly.  Once, when I came to visit a sick person who wasn’t a victim, he asked me if there had been an attack.”

For the wounded who will be spending a long time in the hospital, Pini generally brings a notebook and a bag with toiletries.  “The notebook is for the family so that they can write down the phone numbers of everyone who promises to help.  The toiletries are for the victim.  Everyone brings chocolates, but I don’t.  If I am already bringing food, then it’s cheese and vegetables.  The chocolate is forgotten quickly, but not the basic needs.  I began bringing toiletries to the wounded after a visit to a Sderot resident who lost a leg in a Kassam rocket attack.  When I came to visit him, there were players from Maccabi Tel Aviv visiting him, and all kinds of singers.  I asked him, ‘What do you need,’ and he told me quietly: ‘A toothbrush.’  Since then, I have a friend named Chaim Idan who regularly donates bags with toiletries.

“In another case, there was a wounded victim at Soroka hospital whom I asked what he needs, and he said a clean shirt.  I got in touch with some acquaintances in Beer Sheva, and within a short time, they brought him a shirt and underwear.  The wounded don’t forget a shirt and toiletries.”

When you come to the hospital, you are still a stranger for the family.  How do you approach them?

“I come to the victim, stand on the side, and watch, assessing the situation.  If possible, I approach, introduce myself, and begin to listen.  I don’t have a watch on my hand, so they can talk to me without any limits.  I am not a professional – I come from life.  I sit together with them and try to understand them for the future.  I don’t hug them and I don’t kiss them, but I feel them, because I was there, and I try to help.”

Collector of Business Cards

The help that Rabinovitch and the members of OneFamily give is in the fields where the State doesn’t act.  “We did not replace the psychologist or the National Insurance Institute.  We complement them.  Beyond a listening ear, we try to help with bureaucratic problems and problems at places of work.  I try to guide the families to those who can help them.

“A short time ago, someone turned to me whose son had been wounded in the head in Gaza.  The mother worked at a certain municipality office through a manpower agency, and because of her prolonged absence from work in order to care for her son, she was fired.  I found out who the Director General of that municipality was, and I found out that he is the brother of someone I know.  I spoke to the powers that be, and yesterday everything was sorted out.

“In another case, a family from Beer Sheva called me and said that they are having housing problems.  As it happens, the mother of another wounded victim that I helped in Jerusalem works for the Housing Ministry.  She helped that family from Beer Sheva, and since then, she has managed to help a few more families.”

Rabinovitch says that he is an obsessive collector of business cards.  Through them, he uses connections and helps people.  But his biggest business card is Dasi’s, his late daughter. 

Dasi became famous while she was sick mainly due to her struggle with Prof. Eliezer Rachmilevitch of Hadassah Hospital at Ein Kerem, who refused to provide her with emergency treatment because she had gone for treatment to Rambam hospital in Haifa.  Dasi’s battle with the disease at the same time as she fought the inflexibility shown her by the medical establishment were given ample exposure throughout the media for a few months before she died.

As a result of the stories, the Ministry of Health established a committee that examined the case and decided to file a complaint against Prof. Rachmilevitch, accusing him of “negligence and behavior unbecoming a physician.”  In August 1998, almost two years after Dasi died, a majority of the complaints committee ruled that Prof. Rachmilevitch’s behavior was unbecoming and his instructions not to give Dasi medical treatment “had the potential to cause serious physical harm and even endangered her life.”

The episode showed the public Dasi’s special personality, which was characterized by constant happiness and a positive outlook, even in the most difficult circumstances.  Since her death 13 years ago, her mother Bruria has given hundreds of lectures in Israel and abroad about how Dasi coped with the disease.

Many of the victims that Pini helps call him “Dasi’s father”.  But at the same time, when he comes to visit the wounded or the bereaved families, he doesn’t present himself as “the father of Dasi Rabinovitch.”

“I don’t want the focus to be on Dasi and myself, so I don’t say this at the beginning.  I do say that I am from OneFamily, and that I am a bereaved father.  Sometimes, they connect me with Dasi on their own.

“Not long ago, I visited a wounded victim, and during our conversation, he complimented how the doctors were treating him, and said that they weren’t acting like that doctor who treated Dasi Cohen.  I corrected him and said that she was called Dasi Rabinovitch.  Afterwards, I told him that I am her father.”

Rabinovitch brings a large number of the families an illustrated placard with the words to the poem “Circles of Happiness”, which his daughter wrote.  The poem was written spontaneously while leaving a message on the answering machine for children who had come to visit her in the hospital.  “Circles of Happiness” has entered the curriculum at schools and in the IDF in recent years, was mastered and set to music a number of times, and it inspired the singer Micha Sheetrit to write the song “Small Happinesses” and to perform it with Amir Benayoun.

“The song ‘Small Happinesses’,” says Rabinovitch, “was born as a result of an interview Bruria did on the television program ‘Avraham and Yaakov’, presented by Avri Gilad and Koby Meidan.  Micha Sheetrit was also in the studio, and a short time after the program, he wrote the song and composed the music without telling us.  One day, when we were in the car, our oldest daughter Miri called and told us, ‘Turn on the radio.  They are playing Dasi’s song on Galei Tzahal.’  We were in the Tel Aviv area, and I decided to go to the Galei Tzahal studios in Yafo.  I got the disc with the song on it, and that night, I went to Micha Sheetrit’s home.  He told me that he heard about Dasi’s story when he was in a very bad state, and her optimistic way of handling it put his life into the proper perspective.”

Call us “The Smilers”

When it comes to bereaved families, Rabinovitch’s help begins after the Shiva.  “When it’s soldiers, I find out through the IDF Victim’s Officer what the family’s situation is, and ask if it is necessary for me to come sooner.  If it’s civilians, I find out through my contacts who the victims are, gather information through various channels, and then call them, introduce myself, and ask to come and visit them at a time that is convenient for them. 

“When I come, I sit, listen, and also talk.  I explain to them what OneFamily does, how it helps with memorials and with solving bureaucratic problems.  I give the names of the family’s children to the organization’s Youth Division, and the names of the older siblings to the Young Adults Division.”

There are probably cases where you can’t help?

“Nothing is impossible, but I tell everyone that I don’t distribute successes.  I tell them from the outset what areas I can help in, but I never know where it will lead.  The fact that I am a bereaved father helps create the connection for bereaved families.  I don’t pity, and I don’t hug.  But I prepare them for difficult situations that are not written in books.  I tell them, for instance, that it could be that even their best neighbor will cross the street when she sees them, just because she is confused.”

The help for the families continues even years later.  “The larger difficulties arise some time later, when there is no help from relatives any more.  Two years ago, I told co-workers, ‘Watch, when the terror ends, the problems will begin.’”

During our meeting, a father who lost his daughter in a terrorist attack eight years ago calls Rabinovitch to tell him about the annual memorial for his daughter.  He promises that he will try to come.  “I don’t come to the memorial.  I come to the soul.  It does good both for the bereaved parents and for me.  They see me and smile because they see that I am still coming after six or seven years.

“One time, I came to a memorial for a soldier in Kibbutz Ein Gev.  No one there was wearing a kippah, so I asked them if I could recite a few chapters of Tehillim.  They said, ‘Certainly”, and you suddenly seem them all putting on kippot.  After I read a few chapters, they asked me if I would come the following year.”

As the Southern Region Coordinator for OneFamily, Rabinovitch is helping some six hundred families of the wounded and of those killed.  In order to reach all of them, he has the help of many volunteers.  “Unfortunately, more and more families are joining, and they are all entitled to help.  Our saying in the organization is that you don’t choose your family, and that we are all one family.”

A large number of the families that Pini is helping in the southern region are residents of Sderot and the communities close to Gaza, victims of the hundreds of Kassam rockets that have landed in the south in recent years.  Some of the victims suffer from post-trauma.  Rabinovitch, who spent a lot of time in Sderot during the most difficult periods, experienced an attack himself.

“About two months ago, when I was in Sderot, a Kassam landed near me.  I ran for cover, but couldn’t find any.  The next day, I had a memorial day and I served as the chazzan.  I didn’t feel well, and when they took the Sefer Torah out of the Aron, I began to shake throughout my whole body.

“After the service, I came home and immediately called the professionals who work with me.  They told me, ‘Welcome to the club’.  I thought it was shock because I knew the phenomenon from my home visits in Sderot.  The first time I saw it was when I visited someone in the winter and a thunderstorm started up outside.  He suddenly began to shake through his entire body, and that’s when I understood what shock is.”

When asked how he copes at home with all the difficulties that he sees during his work, Rabinovitch says that he doesn’t take his work home with him.  It’s already there.  “It’s at home, because every night I pass by Dasi’s picture.  I am connected to it all the time, and I feel that I am doing this for my home in the truest sense.  I am doing it for my soul.

“I also feel that Dasi’s spirit is at OneFamily and gives me the strength to act.  She was always our guide, and even today I feel that she is always behind me.

“Bruria says, in the lectures she gives, that she feels that Dasi will give her marks when the dead are revived, where she was okay and where not.”

True to his daughter’s legacy, Rabinovitch talks a lot about proportions and about the ability to maintain happiness and a smile during difficult times.  When the waitress at the Aroma café asks how to call us when our order is ready, he answers her “The Smilers”.

“My biggest happiness is when I go to Alyn hospital to visit a child injured in the head by a Kassam rocket and the child is surrounded by people, and even so, when he sees me, he immediately yells, ‘Pini!’.  That does it for me.”